What to Do When Mother’s Day Doesn’t Feel Like a Celebration

Key Takeaways: 

• Many women experience grief, disappointment, loneliness, and complicated emotions on Mother’s Day. 

• Gratitude and disappointment can coexist at the same time. 

• It’s normal to desire appreciation, celebration, love, and emotional connection. 

• Feeling unseen or unappreciated does not make you selfish or ungrateful. 

• Each woman carries a unique emotional burden on Mother’s Day. 

• While human relationships are meaningful and important, they cannot fully satisfy our deepest emotional needs. 

• God alone can fully see, understand, comfort, and sustain the human heart. 

• The best thing we can do is bring our disappointments to Jesus and let Him minister to us. 

• Hagar called God “El Roi,” which means “the God who sees me.” 

• Intentional, daily time with Jesus in the virtual Jesus challenge sustains the emotional fulfillment we crave. 

For a holiday full of flowers and dresses, Mother’s Day sure can feel tender and raw, can’t it? 💐

So many of us walk through the church doors with a shaky, brave smile, feeling totally alone and unseen. Some of us even stay home from church on Mother’s Day; it’s just too painful. 

If you experienced complex emotions this Mother’s Day, I want to validate and affirm you. You are NOT wrong for feeling those things and desiring celebration. 

Maybe your family really tried, complete with a big (and loud) effort to bring you breakfast in bed. But if you were honest, you didn’t feel truly seen or appreciated. 

Or after a big lunch, everyone went to play games, and you found yourself quietly throwing away paper plates and wiping counters. 

💔 Maybe you were hurting the entire week leading up to Mother’s Day. 

Smiling for everyone else’s joy, but inside your heart was breaking. 

Grieving a baby you never got to hold. 

Missing your own mother who’s no longer with you. 

Aching over the pain of infertility or estrangement from your child. 

⚠️ But then comes the guilt. 

And boy, is it VICIOUS. 

Because you ARE grateful! You DO love your family deeply! You KNOW people meant well, even when it hurt. So how dare you still feel disappointed?! 😤

Friend, I want to lovingly tell you that you are not selfish or wrong for wanting to feel celebrated, appreciated, pursued, and truly seen. You’re not silly for crying about it. 

Those are beautiful, human, God-given needs. 🌱

And that impossible tension of feeling both gratitude and disappointment at the same time can absolutely coexist. You can appreciate people’s efforts AND still feel let down. 

If your Mother’s Day didn’t feel like a celebration this year, I’d love to sit with you for a minute and bear witness to the gravity of this day. 🫶

I Want to See You, Mama

I mean truly see you (as much as humanly possible through a blog.) 

Mother’s Day touches so many different women in so many different ways, and most of those experiences feel invisible to the rest of the world. 

So if no one acknowledged your particular kind of motherhood or grief this year, I’d like to do that now. 

💞 To the mom with young children climbing all over you, touching you non-stop, needing you every second of the day: I see how tiring it is to always be the one holding everything together. You do more than anyone will ever know. The Lord sees you FULLY. 

💞 To the single mom carrying the weight of an entire household: I see that you’re exhausted from being strong all the time, yourself being the only one you have. You sink to let your children rise up on your efforts, battling through exhaustion with long-suffering dedication. 

💞 To the mom grieving one or more children lost in miscarriage: I know this holiday seems like a spotlight shining directly on your empty arms. You are a mother just as much as those with living children, and your dear angel children are worth your grief. 

💞 To the mom struggling through infertility: I know every whispered “Happy Mother’s Day” feels like someoe brushing against a raw wound, reminding you of your ongoing pain. The Lord sees you, and He’s near to your aching heart today. 

💞 To the mom who’s motherhood ended too soon with the death of an earth-side child: There are truly no words deep enough for that kind of pain. I’m so sorry. Jesus weeps with you, and He is very, very near. 

💞 To the mom whose motherhood didn’t unfold the way you imagined: I see that unspeakable ache of unmet hopes and silent heartbreak. Though your pain seems invisible and secret, the Lord sees the depth of your suffering. 

💞 To the woman grieving the loss of your own mother today: I know this is a day of mourning, not celebration. She is worth your mourning and remembering. Jesus grieves alongside you, holding you close in His Father-arms. 

💞 To the foster mother: You pour yourself out everyday for children you may not even get to keep close forever. That’s a sacred and costly love; unconditional, just like the love of Christ. 

💞 To the adoptive mother: Even though your motherhood may have been born through loss, waiting, paperwork, and more waiting, your fierce love and devotion to your child are no less real. 

💞 To the stepmom: It can be so painful to to faithfully love children who might not fully understand or receive your role. You’re very brave for continuing to show up, and that love is never wasted. The Lord is with you in this “underground” work. 

💞 To the spiritual mothers: Many may disqualify you as a mother, but I don’t. You pour wisdom, encouragement, meals, prayer, sacrifice out on those in your care, sometimes even more than mothers with blood-children. You are a mother. Your role in their lives is irreplaceable and makes more of an impact than you will EVER know. 

💞 To the grandmothers: As you watch your babies raise babies, I know you miss the little years and wish for everyone to be together again. This day can carry both beautiful joy and deep ache at the same time. I see you. 

💞 To the caregivers: Your sacrifices might feel invisible as you tend to aging parents, children with special needs, or relatives’ children who need stability. You carry enormous emotional weight. You show great faith and courage in your love, pointing them to the One who sacrificed it all. 

💞 To the mom experiencing estrangement from a child: This day carries complex emotions that are impossible to explain to others. God sees the aching of your heart and the longing for reconciliation. He is never done working. 

💞 To the empty nester mom: After years of schedules, outings, snacks, gatherings, this day might feel strangely quiet. The silence feels both peaceful and heartbreaking at the same time. Where did those little voices go? Your motherhood did not end when your children left home. Your role in their life still matters hugely. 

💞 To the mom of an adult child: I know you might feel a little lost in this stage of motherhood. You love them fiercely but also have less control and get fewer moments with them. This holiday might feel beautiful, or distant. Sometimes it’s all of it at once. 

💞 To the people experiencing estrangement or tension with your own mother: This day can stir up grief, confusion, anger, sorrow, and guilt all at once. Sometimes the pain isn’t just from what happened, but from what didn’t happen. You’re allowed to feel this pain and grieve what could have been. 

💞 To the person with a hurtful, neglectful, or abusive mother: This day can be incredibly isolating. While everyone’s celebrating their moms, you quietly grieve not having the kind of mom you needed as a child. You don’t dishonor her by acknowledging that pain. God sees all the wounds you carry from that relationship, even the private ones. 

💞 To YOU: If you don’t fit perfectly into any of the categories above, here’s a space for your story. I invite you to just be yourself, feel what you feel, and not hide it for the sake of others. 

These are all incredibly complex, deep experiences, and they’re worth sitting with. The emotions and marks you carry from them are valid and legitimate. None of them make you an ungrateful person. 

No matter how personal and painful your story on Mother’s Day, God SEES you. He sees every secret tear that slips out, every disappointment you try not to feel, every invisible sacrifice. 🫂

Though you may feel like it, you are not alone. Ever. God is Emmanuel, God WITH you. Right now, whatever this season looks like for you. 

Getting to The Root of Mother’s Day Pain

I think Mother’s Day hurts so deeply because underneath all the cards and flowers, we all carry the same human longing: 

👉 To be FULLY seen and FULLY loved. 👈

In all the sacrifices we make every day. 

In the suffering of loss. 

In the barrage of emotions we manage day in and day out. 

In the endless decisions and mental load of caring for small humans. 

That’s a GOD-GIVEN NEED, friend! He created us to be fully seen and fully loved! 

That’s why it still hurts after Mother’s Day winds down and you're alone, quietly arranging flowers, wondering why the core of your soul still feels unseen and unknown. 😔

🚨 Friend, here’s the hard, holy truth: no human can perfectly fill those deepest needs in your heart. Even the people who see you the MOST still fall short. And they always, always will. 

That need God gave us is a Him-shaped vacancy in our hearts. Only HE can truly satisfy that aching need and emptiness to be fully seen and loved. There is no one else, not even yourself. 

What To Do With The Disappointment 

There is only one thing to do, dear friend. 

RUN TO JESUS WITH IT. 

RUN! 

⚠️ That does not mean you run away from your emotions, or pretend they don’t exist, or shame yourself for feeling them. 

Bring the disappointment TO Him. 

Process it WITH Him. 

Let Him minister to you in this time of need. 

He LOVES to care for your soul and satisfy your needs. 🌱

Your family may love you deeply, but they’re limited humans. They may never understand what your heart needs, and they cannot sustainably carry the full weight of your deepest emotional needs. 

That doesn’t mean your desire to feel loved, understood, appreciated, and pursued is wrong. Not at all! 

🚨 God ultimately created our hearts for intimate connection with Himself. 

Practical Tips: 

So how does one do that? 🤔

Here are some practical steps you can take: 

• Intentionally carve out time where you can be totally alone, without responsibility, where you can fully pour out your heart and your hurt to God. 

• Cry, be mad, be honest, bring Him the real state of your heart. He’s big enough to handle it. 

• If you need a starting point, read Psalm 62. You can even say it in your own words to God. 

• Spend time grieving with Him. Ask Him to be with you as the wave comes down and as you feel the pain. Ask Him to help you, comfort you, be your strong refuge. 

• Let grief run its course. Even if it looks like anger, fear, or despair. 

• Once you’ve poured out every corner of your heart to Him, sit quietly. Give Him time to speak. Listen quietly.🧎

• You can read Psalm 62 again and ask Him to speak to you. 

• As you wait on Him, He will speak truth over you. He is with you, and He sees you. 

• Give yourself some time before you go back to your world. Sit in His presence for as long as you can. Let His truth wash your heart and soothe the wounds. It doesn’t make them disappear, but His presence enables you to accept them and trust Him with the unresolved questions. 🤝

• He will empower you at the right time to rise and walk back into your life. It’ll still be the same hard circumstances, but now when you go back, you’re aware of the King of Heaven’s armies by your side, defending you, speaking truth over you, sustaining you in the toughest battles. 🛡️

There is NOTHING more fulfilling than hearing the voice of your Creator speak truth over you, His most treasured creation. 

Take the time. It’s worth it. You’re worth it, dear heart. ♥️

El Roi: The God Who Sees You 

One of the most tender names for God in the entire Bible comes from a hurting mother sitting alone in the wilderness. 

Hagar was used, mistreated, misunderstood, and rejected by the people closest to her. Pregnant and overwhelmed, she ended up alone in the desert, fearful, grieving, and hopeless about her future. 

In that lonely, painful moment, she cried out to God, and He immediately showed up to her. 

He spoke to her tenderly, not shaming or dismissing her pain. He provided for her needs and reminded her that He saw every detail of her situation. He saw her child and took care of him. 

And Hagar responded by calling Him El Roi, which means: “The God who sees me.” 

🤔 I think He wants us to remember His name on Mother’s Day. 

Friend, God sees and knows the pain beneath your smile. He sees the tears you cry after everyone goes to bed. He sees the grief, disappointment, longing, exhaustion, and unmet needs you might not even know how to explain to others. 

Just like He met Hagar in her rock bottom moment, He’s eager to meet you here too. 

🤲 Will you cry out to Him like she did? 

🤲 Will you take time to receive His nourishment? 

Join The Virtual Jesus Challenge 

God created us to be fully seen, fully known, and fully loved. 

Every day.

Sustainably. 

For our whole life! 

That’s why I created the virtual Jesus challenge. 

It’s extremely simple and practical for busy moms like us, and it gives us a way to step away from the intensity of life and meet with El Roi daily, the only One who fully sees, fully knows, and fully satisfies us. 🌱

When we consistently bring our deepest needs to God, we stop wishing our families would fill an emptiness only He can satisfy.

His constant pouring in of love and truth makes us free, steady, peaceful women because we’re finally cared for at the deepest level. 🔋

I know it’s hard to imagine right now, but that kind of life is FULLY available to you and me. EVERY DAY! 🤯 Very simply and easily, without a big new whooplah. 

God DELIGHTS in caring for His daughters and filling up that empty space to overflowing! ✨

So if you went through a rough Mother’s Day, I want to invite you to join me in the Jesus virtual challenge. Jesus wants to meet with you, show you He’s closer to you than you know, and fulfill your deepest needs. 

Join the Virtual Jesus Challenge